Tom Dumoulin in training for his revised role in next year’s Italian Sky procession.
Rupert Murdoch announced today that he will be adding the Giro d’Italia to his total monopoly on televised bicycle racing by forcing robot minion Chris Froome to win in Italy next May.
The mummified Australian dictator––who some believe has been deceased since 2012 and is kept lifelike by liberal daily coatings of cricket bat oil––tweeted that the Giro was still the most exciting Grand Tour, and that would soon be rectified with Froome and his team of skeletal cyborgs lining up for the start in Israel, coincidentally Murdoch’s favourite bully-boy regime (and which he has owned for over thirty years). “The Vuelta d’Espana has traditionally had the best and closest racing of the three GTs, and we put paid to that this year. Now for the Giro.”
Other teams and riders have expressed their joy and gratitude to Sky, welcoming the massive bonus incentives offered by Murdoch to encourage healthy competition for places 2 through 180. Defending champion Tom Dumoulin said it will be an honour to battle eight Skybots in the mountains while finishing at least four minutes behind the previously untalented Froome.
Asked for comment on his Tour-Vuelta-Giro triple attempt, a slightly surprised Froome offered “Oh, am I?” With his Giro win Froome will become the first borg to render all three Grand Tours in a row completely unwatchable.