Is it time to banish derailleurs altogether?

The big red recently released an electronic shifting system as its premier road group, so it’s only a matter of time before it trickles down to us dirt-slinging hippies. Hoo-frickin-ray. No doubt it will ‘rival’ Di2, bristle with tech and make a Nimitz-class aircraft carrier appear like good value. Peaches. But why continue to polish this floppy cock of a thing called a derailleur? The industry has all but done away with the front one, but like a stubborn head-hiding ostrich, forward thinking is ignored and the evolution of this dangling participle continues. Too much about riding a bicycle relies on this parallelogram relic, and this must change.

Derailleurs have needed constant updating to accommodate more and wider gearing, with some experts saying the inclusion of electronics completely removes inherently learned behaviour we all take for granted when shifting gears. Another claimed step forward has been clutch mechanisms to address the issue of chain slap, and to compliment the running of single/narrow/wide chainrings sans guides. These are not steps forward so much as a drunk sideways hobo shuffle. But you know, none of this matters to me.

Douglas Adams might have dismissed it all as “a load of dingo’s kidneys”. Look at EWS bikes and you’ll see many choosing to run chain guides as ‘added insurance’. One pro says the lower bashguard “only adds 60 grams” and saves your chainring from becoming all Biopace if you hit something, which results in a DQ because you can’t change anything on your rig. Add this to the long list of what I don’t get about enduro, but excellent point, Mr Barelli. Furthermore, clutch mechanisms add a heinous amount of resistance during downshifts, which can be felt through the shifter thereby spoiling the ergonomics. This is exacerbated if you happen to be a human being still running ten-speed and a bailout cog. None of any of this matters either; I couldn’t care less.

Why continue to polish this floppy cock of a thing called a derailleur?

The advent of electronic shifting is even more confounding. Six hundred bucks (if you’re lucky, online and with free shipping) for a derailleur that needs a software update to run properly and can’t be tuned at home or on the trail? What’s next, wireless shifting that only works near hotspots? Sign me up! A properly tuned derailleur needs no “inherently learned behaviour” to work the way it should. And while we’re on the subject, can I just say that I don’t need your disposable income driving my industry to do things it just shouldn’t be doing to suit your ineptitude to ride a bicycle. Don’t you have an Audi to buy or some golf to play?

Wider gearing was accomplished many moons ago by the Rohloff Speedhub with the two drawbacks being weight and price. But when a Di2 setup costs five grand (if you’re lucky, online etc…) still uses a chain which will need replacing and a derailleur which after a knock will be dangling from your frame like a not-quite-finished bungy jumper, a Rohloff wheel which replaces the entire drivetrain, has wider gearing, can go 100,000km between services and costs at least a grand less starts to make sense. But internally geared hubs (IGH) aren’t the future in my eyes. They’re still a bit clunky, all that weight is now hanging off the back of your bike, and options are fairly limited.

Explain please how within the last few years (it seems like less), Bosch and now Yamaha have integrated their electric motors into a number of mainstream bicycle frames ranging from commuters to full-sus enduro rigs, yet technologies like the Pinion or Cavalerie gearboxes have not. But does any of this bother me? Nope. I can’t think of anything I care about less. Why doesn’t any of this mean anything? Because Rob Metz at Zerode says so.

Rob hasn’t simply moved the goalposts; he’s changed the shape of the field. The Taniwha is a bitchslap and a huge load shot into the hair of the bike industry. I want you all to remember where you are when you read this because this bike is going to be a game changer. A carbon 160mm full-sus with 12-speed gearbox in high-viz yellow? Well, hundreds of online commenters begging for him to take their money should give you a clue that this bike is something to keep an eye on, and I can’t wait to throw a leg over one. What’s better still is that it looks amazing! Apart from the twin-pulley chain tensioner behind the crank, it looks modern but not overdone, which means it will have mass market appeal, which the G1 and G2 DH rigs never managed. Sure, those that rode them swore by the high pivot and flawless Alfine transmission, but the double chain and some criticism of the weight put many off. What I like most about the Taniwha is it opens up the possibilities of building a shit-hot rig without having to choose between S-branded drivetrains. Imagine!

Rear derailleur? Rear dodo I say.

For the record, I do like a fast Audi. Golf can still get fucked though.