Cross Oddities
Albert Einstein once said, “You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else”. A genius renowned for his love of the humble bicycle, clearly had a badass race game with a mantra like that. And given his mo’, I’m pretty sure he killed it on the ‘cross circuit.
Cyclocross might possibly be the most perplexing of all cycling disciplines. New recruits to the code have a different set of nuances to wrestle with, while die-hard fans are addicted to the tightrope that CX carefully treads teetering on the edges of the sublime to the ridiculous.
In the Land of the Long White Cloud, cyclocross got all grown up this year with a cowbells-and-whistles UCI-sanctioned battle for the glorious fern hitting the calendar. Aotearoa Crossfest debuts in Canterbury this weekend, so we decided to take a deep dive into officialdom to get y’all up to speed with some of the peculiarities of all regs ‘cross.
Personally, the best description of cyclocross that I have ever read goes something like this, “it’s like someone handed you a bowl of dishwashing liquid and an apple and told you to knit a cardigan with it”.
Of course, being sensible folk motivated by attention to detail, the Swiss managed to construct a practical series of rules for even the most insensible of all cycling disciplines to ensure that all cardigan-knitting occurs in a fair manner.
The UCI tome straight outta Aigle is mighty but Parts 1: General Organisation of Cycling as a Sport & Part 5: Cyclo Cross cover the nuts and bolts albeit in a not particularly user-friendly guide. Here are our top three oddities.
Oddity #1 – Race distance TBC
Rule 5.1.048 The number of laps will be calculated and announced at the end of the second lap.
There are few occasions when you enter a bicycle race uncertain of the distance you’ll travel between the beginning and the end. Twenty-four hour racing is one. Cyclocross is another. Stage 20 of Le Tour 2019 is probably the third.
Cyclocross prides itself on the sacrosanctity of time, perhaps tapping into the universal power of the indefinite continued progress of existence. Deep. Or maybe CX abides by that principle just cos ain’t nobody sure exactly how far anyone will go cos conditions may vary from fast rolling to crapola and not rolling very much at all.
I guess X minutes on the rivet is a commonly understood currency and accounts for those situations when the mud is so deep that you’re only managing single digit speeds.
So, in cyclocross you’re given your laps remaining after the Commissaire does some whizzbang calculations based off readings from the Atomic Clock when the leader completes his or her second lap to deliver you (the leader) to the finish line precisely as the big hand and the little hand hit the allotted race time. Just keep pedalling until someone says stop.
For the fierce femmes aka Women Elite, this is 40 to 50 minutes. For the fast fellas aka Men Elite, it’s a glorious hour. If you’re not the leader you get a little extra value for money with a few more minutes on course.
Of course, the bell tolls with a lap to go bringing joy to all in earshot as it heralds that the end of the tunnel is in sight.
Oddity #2 – Girth matters
Rule 1.3.018 Wheels of the bicycle may vary in diameter between 70 cm maximum and 55 cm minimum, including the tyre. For the cyclo-cross bicycle the width of the tyre shall not exceed 33 mm and it may not incorporate any form of spike or stud.
While the rest of the cycling world has embraced the move to plus sizes like an American at a burger stand with a supersize-for-free deal, cyclocross prides itself on a slenderer offering of rubber.
Perhaps it was a move by the purists to retain some form of uncontrollability with the threat of disc brakes on the horizon, which indeed did become widespread culling shitty stopping potential everywhere.
Most cycling disciplines don’t need maximum tyre regs cos we’re all restricted by the clearance capacity of any frame coupled with the sensibility of strapping a kilo of Bomboloni to each of your wheels and throttling the efficiency of your rotating mass for shits and giggles.
Fat tyre jokes aside, let’s face it, if the strict folk in Switzerland didn’t stipulate narrower tyres and drop bars then before we know it we’d have a hardtail short-track MTB race infiltrating the ‘cross goodness. Uncool.
Indeed, in a bid to keep it really real, the UCI decreed a two-millimeter reduction in traction control with a drop in tyre width from 35mm to 33mm back in 2010. Outrage ensued – you can imagine how pissed you’d be if you’d already perfectly glued your tubs for the season ahead and were now told they were just a smidgen wide. Fuck the police. Tyre manufacturers rejoiced. The world kept turning. And before long 33mm was the new black.
Of course, the variables of pressure, rim width and actual manufacturing spec means that it doesn’t always do what it says on the sidewall and that’s why you’ll find officials hanging around CX races with little gauges checking that tyres are indeed skinny enough to make the cut.
Generally speaking, age graders are given a little more leniency with a 35mm target to hit. Call it middle-aged spread.
Oddity #3 – Drinking etiquette
Rule 5.1.038 A rider may only take the pit lane to change his bicycle, wheel(s) or for other mechanical assistance.
You go to the pits for a bicycle, not refreshments. This ain’t no Maccy D’s Drive-Thru.
Being a sport chiseled out of the wintery North with a short enough format to ensure riders are wrapped up indoors before hypothermia hits, hydration is generally not a big concern in cyclocross.
It was never really a BFD until the CX jam spread further afield than its traditional heritage and non-Euros did funky things with it in warmer climes. Namely, running a huge international event in the middle of the desert in Nevada. Before long, Sven Nys was grabbing bottles in Vegas where he probably shouldn’t and the Swiss lightened him of a few Euros by means of a fine and provided further clarification on their interpretation of the do’s and do not’s.
Turns out that feeding in the pits is a no-no. Even if you’re Sven. Trackside bottles, beverages, or bacon handups are also all out.
Of course, ‘cross is notorious for hand-ups but generally speaking UCI events steer around it for fear of riders inadvertently taking each other out while grabbing for that fishing rod dispensed treat or dollar bill. That seems kinda sensible.
If you wanna quench your thirst while racing CX you have three options at your disposal. 1) Start with a bottle in a bottle cage on your bike. 2) Pull in to the pit and swap to a bike with a bottle in a bottle cage on it. 3) Race in a Camelbak. Personally, I’m not a big fan of the whole skinsuit-backpack fashion statement but I’m also a bit of a tart. It’s an official option if that’s your thang.
Hand on heart, I can honestly say that I have only ever used a bottle cage on a ‘cross bike while racing in the heat of the USA when the thermostat cranked up to something silly.
