Have you ever really wanted to hurt yourself? On the bike that is… not just riding a really long way, or climbing an alpine pass, or crashing your brains out on a nasty trail. We mean taking the long distance, adding in the toughest cobblestone secteurs of Paris-Roubaix, detouring over to the steepest and roughest bergs from the Ronde van Vlaanderen, and adding a heaping of gravel roads and forest singletrack for good measure. That’s real hurt.

Our good friends Alex and William not only run the best tours of the iconic Flemish ‘roads’, they can ride most people into the ground and then ply you with copious quantities of their own brand of the finest Belgian beer afterwards. To say they have their shit sorted is being more than a little understated. They live for the pavé and the good times and have no trouble making torture enjoyable.

Their latest crazy-hard venture is going down in April on those very roads they hold so dear in their cycle-centric hearts. 240 kilometres of cobbles, kassien, gravé and of course brews. Starting and finishing at the Brunehaut brewery where their fabulous Malteni beer is brewed, it promises to be a Saturday in Hell. Watching the pros race the Queen of the Classics the next day will no doubt be done with broken bodies, lumpy legs, hammered hands and possibly a hangover (though I’ve never suffered one from malteni in the three trips I’ve done with them… maybe it’s the gluten-free component?).

Don’t turn up on your mountain bike though, these guys are strictly drop-bar and 700c, and the only luxury afforded is 40c tyres. You will suffer, and have the best day on the bike ever. I’ve had many of those with them and hopefully this will be another.

Get all the details here, and start training by sitting on a jackhammer for 8 hours.