What do you get when you cross a big screen weapons maker, a mountain biker, a chopper pilot and an ex bass playing rock legend ? A party in your pants that’s what. You also get Andrew Durno. And what do you get when you cross Andrew Durno who is too busy/lazy/sensible to dig trails, with Rod Bardsley, trail designer and shaper for Wellington’s Mt. Victoria trails? You get the Warlord Battleaxe MKII from TallBeast Fabrications. Andrew must have been feeling a little guilty seeing all of Rod’s Instagrams of the huge amount of hard work he had been putting into the Mt. Vic trails, and then had to listen to Rod whingeing about all the tools he had to carry in and out each day . So he whipped out his laser cutter and sliced up this pretty big tool for an even bigger tool, the Rodfather.

Those Italics are rad but I’ve got to stop talking about myself in the third person. Oh my God, I’m so excited. A tool with my name on it. Just like my bike. What Andrew has done here is borrow a few ideas from what is already on the market, whip up a prototype, give it to me to use, listen wisely to my great modification ideas, then bust out this MKII version with added bottle opener. And boy can it open bottles. And cans. And heads. Cars too, and probably a tank.

What is it? Well it’s a pick, an axe, a trowel, a rake, a scraper and a stomper all in one. A blade cut from 6mm steel joined to a shovel handle. A one piece trail maker, motor not included. It’s heavy, 3.67kg and it takes a real man to swing it. I’m assuming that’s why Andrew gave it to me. I’ve canceled my gym membership and have headed to the hills.

Oh yes. It’s sharp. The MKI had a bluntish blade but it kept bouncing off tree roots, so we thought we’d sharpen up our act.

This is my favourite edge. I can swing it at the bank and rake it onto the trail in one hit. I also use it to pick the roasted pig meat stuck in my teeth. Brilliant.

The handle can be taken off for portage or bike missions into the bush. There’s nothing more dangerous than trying to carry sharp awkward tools on slippery rooty trails; fall and you can look like an 80s hors d’oeurve with a toothpick right through you. We’re looking at a seat-pin quick release version as well. Check out that forearm pump… that was just carrying it over from the van.

Get scared… real scared. TallBeast Fabrications haven’t decided on the future for this weapon yet. Andrew thinks that if he can hand a few out to deserving folk then trail karma will be good to him and he’ll never have to lift a trailbuilding finger again. But if there is enough interest then he may up his game and offer them for sale, with the name of your choice laser cut into the blade and the handle.

If you want blood… you got it. Only the best Hickory. (It is Hickory isn’t it Andrew?)